Insert Poop Joke Here

I wish I could say my day included a lazy ride down the river, some cute animals, and lots of sun. But No.  My day was filled with angry Brahman cows, rain, and lots and lots of shit.

[Sure they look happy NOW...]

It is common knowledge to anyone who has grown up on a ranch or taken an animal science class that one of the ways to determine if a cow is pregnant is rectal palpation.  Yes.  Rectal Palpation.  As in stick your hand in the butt of a cow as far as you can and try to feel the cervix/uterine horns/ovaries through an ocean of feces while the rectal muscles clamp down on your arm until your fingers are numb [jealous yet?].  And don't think these are Happy "I will stand still so you can better violate my ass-hole" Cows.  They are animals that weigh over 1,000 lbs that come charging into a restraining shoot and constantly flail until they are released.  The trick is getting them to stand properly in the shoot to ensure minimal damage is done to the cow as well as the handler.  This was my morning.  Doing pregnancy tests, drawing blood, and giving intramuscular injections of ivermectin/vitamin B to all of the livestock [did I mention there was around 50 cows to do] at Central Farms.   

      [Who said cows aren't terrifying?]

Not only is sticking your hand up a cow's butt an occupational hazard [not to mention something that is regularly shown on Dirty Jobs], but it is also an art form to avoid the fountains of urine, projectile defecation, and whip-like tails that can cover anyone within a 7 foot radius with piss and shit.

  [My future career Ladies and Gentlemen]

Although it was a gross and smelly job, we did learn how to draw blood from the tail of the cow and got a lecture on supplemental feeding of livestock.

When we were done [after scrubbing our hands and arms raw], we took a ride up to Spanish Lookout for lunch.  It's a more progressive area of Belize where they had a legit diner where I FINALLY got a grilled cheese sandwich [with just cheese!].  A day dealing with cows wouldn't be complete without a stop for ice cream where Erika got 2 scoops on a cone and proceeded to lick it so hard that it went toppling to the floor [she was heckled with dirty jokes for the rest of the day].

When we got back "home" Chelsea, Aubrey, Serina, and I decided to try to catch some sun by sitting/swimming in the pool since it had been raining for the last 3-4 days.  As soon as we jumped into the water, the sun disappeared and the rain came pouring down [not that it stopped us from swimming for a while]. 

After dinner we proceeded to watch 3 episodes of Gossip Girl [SO MUCH DRAMA] while wrapping Dr. Emma's hair.

Cheers!